I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
