can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
