awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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