Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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