Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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