tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
