We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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