I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
