Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
