i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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