If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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