do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize