he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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