I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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