Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
