Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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