DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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