The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
