He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
