I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
