I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
