dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize