She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
