my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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