Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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