If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
