I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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