we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
