I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
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