i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
