i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize