Cold hands, warm shart.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
