He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
