when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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