So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
