Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
