That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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