"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
