Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
