sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
be right there i have to get my cape
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
