I cockslap morals
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
