your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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