You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
