Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
