So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
