Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
