I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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