I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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