Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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