Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
