I feel great
I just peed on a car
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
