Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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