Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
