i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
