is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how does that bad decision feel?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
