I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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