Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
