take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
