wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
