worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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