my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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