Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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