I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
