I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize