come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i out mim tonsoeep
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
