haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
