I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
