Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
