I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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